“Compass”

Shirley rested her cell phone in her lap and closed her eyes; she was manifesting. 

The last four times she tried this it had been a bust, but she refused to stop believing. Something would happen, she wasn’t sure what, but she knew that it had to. This entire summer had been a letdown, and with August speeding past like it was late for a meeting, she needed to salvage these last few crucial weeks in any way possible. This year had simultaneously taken so very much from her while also significantly adding years onto her sixteen-year-old life. 

“...in the summer, when everything will be better.” Her father’s words had echoed in her head every day since her grandmother’s surgery. Shirley had prayed for summer; it couldn’t reverse the damage done, but something good had to come of it—her father was so certain the summer would bring happiness to their little family once again. But as the days grew longer, and the sun inched closer, Shirley had abandoned hope for better days. She had no ability to make new friends in this new living space and had no clue what kind of students she would encounter in her new school year. She wasn’t able to find a job that was safe enough to keep her occupied and contributing financially to her family. And her father was taking on more hours than ever before, running himself ragged and passing out every night not long after he’d arrive home from work. 

Shirley was no longer looking for hope. She was looking for a miracle. A dynamic change. A complete and total shift. And with summer proving to move by like a thief in the night, she knew this change needed to happen ASAP. But with little to do, nowhere to go and no one to be with, it was getting harder and harder to inspire that change. 

To preserve some sanity, Shirley began taking midday walks. At first they’d just be around the block, hoping that maybe she'd eventually find her dear missing cat Isosceles in a neighbor’s window. When that route became stale, she’d extend it a few more blocks each day. Soon those few blocks became miles and eventually Shirley walked anywhere from 1 to 5 miles a day, exploring parts of her new hometown that seemed hidden from anyone but her. It was in this solitude that she found some sense of calm. Sure, solitude was where she found herself every day during a lockdown, but this was different—it was in the spiritual sense. 

Once she was back home, she settled into her usual routine—cook dinner and eat while reading some graphic novels. Put her father’s meal on the stove under the microwave so he could heat it up when he got home from work. Try to muster up the energy to get some painting done. Then inevitably scroll through Netflix only to realize she had already finished the latest season of her favorite anime. Scroll through Hulu and find nothing of note. Put an old ‘90s teen movie on and scroll endlessly on her phone while it played in the background until she fell asleep. 

It was during one of these scrolling sessions that Shirley hopped down a rabbit hole unlike any she had ever been down before. Tired of the same feeds she had grown accustomed to—friends hanging out with friends, defying stay at home orders to gather, influencers she had nothing in common with, photography of beautiful place she’d likely never be able to visit, when something caught her eye: 

We fell into the abyss.
The grainy black and white video that looped just seemed so dizzying and disorienting and weird that she had to explore it. She needed to know more, there was a new thirst that she needed to quench. Video after video she saw young people her age stumbling upon ruins in the middle of the woods, abandoned areas with threatening auras, and other chilling discoveries. 

“We brought this on ourselves,” a blonde girl cried as she spoke at her screen, “we asked for death.” 

“Well, that was your first mistake,” Shirley chided the influencer out loud, as if she were there with her in the wilderness. Shirley smiled as she recalled the way her grandmother would yell at politicians and talking heads on TV. “They can’t hear you, ma,” her dad would say as he’d laugh and shake his head. Shirley realized that this lockdown really may have aged her a few decades; it was like slipping into a vortex that stole years from her and transplanted her into a future for which she wasn’t yet prepared. She felt her eyes get heavy, but she wanted more information—all these kids her age had stumbled upon something bizarre, and she wanted to know what it was. Finally, a hashtag caught her eye that begged for more exploration:

Rexpo. 

Shirley immediately got to work to educate herself. She learned soon that Rexpo is an app that lets you explore random locations based on a simulation. Think of what you really want to see and the universe will send you there. Shirley only had a baseline understanding of dabbling with the universe and its energy. She had a small crystal collection and occasionally she’d follow astrology and the phases of the moon, but the whole idea of the universe directing you based on an intention? That seemed a little unrealistic. 

She had to try it. This might just be the change she was looking for. 

Shirley rested her phone down and went to sleep: she had an adventure to go on the next day. 

Inspiration.

Shirley pressed her eyes tight as she envisioned the word written out in her mind. She not only wanted to universe to inspire her, it was a necessity at this point. She picked up her phone as she felt it vibrate. 

Your destination has been determined.

She opened up the coordinates in the map application on her phone and set out on her journey. Only five minutes away? She looked at her phone in disbelief—she had walked this path so many times in the last few months she found it hard to believe there could be anything considered inspiring on this path. And yet, she followed. She tried to look at it with fresh eyes, maybe there was something she hadn’t noticed before—something inspiring if she looked up in the sky instead of looking down like usual. But the path was familiar and the location itself was woefully boring: a small local children’s park shed walked past so many times. Yeah, there was a little free library but she’d already scoured it so many times she knew there was nothing of note. She opened the little door once again for good measure, but it was the same books as the last time she checked. No inspiration was to be found here. 

Shirley widened her range of distance. Maybe inspiration was too  broad of a term—after all, people can be inspired by anything, right? Maybe she needed something less subjective and more—specific. Specific to her. She closed her eyes and set another intention. 

Isoocles. 

Her destination was determined. She set out hoping that this would be worth something—even just a triangular street sign would at least mean that someone out there was listening and paying attention. She began forward on her trail—this time it was taking her a bit off the beaten path. She grew hopeful, though she tried her best to temper her excitement. She found herself in a wooded area she hadn’t encountered before and in place of excitement grew fear. There was a small creek running through the woods and she braced herself for an unpleasant surprise. When she finally reached the intended location, she studied the creek. It was calm, nothing of note in it. She picked up a rock and skimmed the water. Continued to look under branches. Nada.

Shirley gave up and headed home. 

That night she spent countless hours diving into more and more videos of experiences other users were having while rexpoing. She felt so detached from everyone and everything already, and this was just another thing to add to that list. It felt as though everyone was having experiences without her, everyone was making connections and having sparks—even if some of those were unsettling experiences. She was fed up. She was lonely. She was getting angry.

Tomorrow, she was going to manifest something dark.